| I guess this week has been one of those weeks where I just sit and wonder why on earth God has me where he does. I absolutely hate it here for the most part. I find most of the students apathetic both academically and spiritually. Maybe that's judgmental of me. Maybe that's just observant of me. I don't know which it is at this point. I went to a vespers service tonight. It was put on by the School of Religion, in which I am majoring. The student body that I was sitting around just did not care at all. It is almost like they have become immune to things of the spiritual nature. Like they have heard them so many times that it just doesn't affect them anymore. Not only does it make me uncomfortable for myself, it breaks my heart for them. I'll give an example. I met a girl last year who will remain nameless. She is probably the most beautiful girl on this campus in my opinion. Then I started talking to her. She has spent so much time in the Seventh Day Adventist school system that the spiritual nature just does not affect her anymore. It's almost like it's just part of daily life, but not in the way that it should be. I do not know why God has me here. But I do know that there is a reason for it. So I just have to keep trusting him. I know that he will show me, and I know that he will lead me where he wants me to be. I just don't understand why I'm going through this place that I hate. God works in ways that I will never know or understand. I have to remember that. I have to remember that I have to let God work through me. Maybe then I will be able to give all that I am to God, and he can work amazing things through me.
|
| |
| I'm seriously done with relationships for a long time. I'm quite angry that even my attempts of friendship are misinterpreted. For some reason this always happens to me.
|
| |
| Am I allowed to give up? Right here while training to be a pastor? I don't know how much I can keep going with.
|
| |
| So here it is boys and girls. Geoff Crowley's 2008 new years resolution. I am not going to date anyone, or pursue any dating relationship in the year of 2008. That is probably the best thing for me to do right now. You might ask why I'm choosing to do this at a so called "marrying school." I'm doing this because quite honestly, I don't know who the flip I am anymore. Everyone in high school preached about how college would be this, and college would be that and it will change you so much. Well, college isn't the this and that, that all of my teachers informed me it would be. But they were right about one thing. College will change you so much. I will leave it up in the air whether or not it will change you for better or for worse. That is your own personal experience. My personal experience in college was a negative change. Yet, one that I have to live with. I have many feelings that I quite simply, do not know what to do with. Most of them have to do with the opposite sex. Quite frankly, it's not those feelings that scare me. The feelings that scare me are the fact that I don't know who I am. Here's a scenario. What if I was to meet a completely awesome girl. She was amazing, and deserved the best. But I didn't know who I was, and still had feelings that I struggled with about the opposite sex. How fair would it be to her to try to pursue a relationship when I am only half of a person? How fair would it be to myself to confuse myself further? I've learned enough about myself to know that I will never fully know who I am. But I do expect to know more than I do now. So as I embark on this new year, pray that God gives me the strength to do what I know I have to do.
|
| |
| How does one curve obsessive behavior they've lived with their whole life? It doesn't happen in a matter of minutes as is expected. And it's much more than a simple choice.
|
| |
